holee shit. life is craaazy!

house is still awesome but its really fucking hot out and we dont have AC. FINALLY unpacked though. i have lots of shit. especially shoes.

kirsten and i have tank top days where were sit around in undies and tank tops and eat ice cream. maybe i should put that shit up on a web cam and make money, lol.

i went camping for a few days with my family and it was ok. def. nice to get away from the city.

i think i have a lead on a dog. http://seattle.craigslist.org/est/pet/359713841.html

it looks sort of shady though. ill at least email them, i guess.

isnt my roomate the hottttestt? shes my favorite.

ignore my ugly mug. hangovers arent pretty.

new place is love. were going to throw a slumber party when were all unpacked.

moving day!

see y'all on the flipside.

doubt this'll help me keep in touch with you,
but in the likely case that you've sent me to junk just a blank response would even be nice
so i know that you got it. don't expect you to be buddy buddy with me, but a word now and then
would be nice. wish you felt the same way.

Ryan


i just got this from the ex. i hate that he can still do this to me.

15 minutes ago i was high as can be and then i come back to this and i feel like i'm going to puke.

it sucks even harder because T is picking me up for a show tonight and i'm going to be thinking about that fucking email.

how can you kiss one guy while another one is in your head?

The envious trees
Stretch tiptoe, striving
Toward that unattainable height.
("Surely," they think, "it is only a tree
Wintry-black, and curiously shaped . . .")

today's one of those days where you can just feel the thickness of summer weighing on your shoulders.

the town smells like asphalt which is always the way i know.
that, and the cravings for cans of arizona iced tea.

ben and i got two records (faraquet and atom and his package), and then we went walking in the old graveyard downtown.

i was in heels and they kept sinking into the dirt, it was strange. now my heels are covered in dead people dirt.

part of me always hopes i'll come across a funeral and i could just blend in and pretend and boohoo for a good thirty minutes then go about my day feeling much lighter.

i dont think other people have these thoughts.

i should probably care about that more than i do.

kirsten is fucking awesome. she found us a place!

its the bottom part of a house thats not far from campus.

best part i can have a dog!@!! so fucking excited. we move in like two weeks.

partying has been awesome, i get to see everyone i ignored while i did my study thing. plus i met someone at ben's party.

for now, ill call him T, because its sort of a secret. he makes me feel amazing, i havent felt like this in a long long time.




....for the people who know about this - whats the deal with salvia? ben said he had some if we wanted to buy in for a night. i dont want to spend my money if its lame.

"We are living contradictions. We are socially conscious, multiculti, and anticorporate, but we still shop at Gap and Banana Republic. We listen to hip-hop, indie rock, and country on our iPods. We are the girls in hooker boots, wife beaters, and gauged earrings. We make documentary films, knit sweaters, and DJ. We are "social smokers," secretly happy that the cigarettes might speed up our metabolisms, hoping they won't kill us in the process.

We pride ourselves on getting as little sleep as possible and thrive on self-deprivation. We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth control, Prozac and multivitamins. We do strip aerobics, hot yoga, go five more minutes than the limit on any exercise machine at the gym.

We are relentless, judgmental with ourselves, and forgiving to others. We never want to be as passive-aggressive as our mothers, never want to marry men as uninspired as our fathers. We carry the world of guilt -- center of families, keeper of relationships, caretaker of friends -- with a new world of control/ambition -- rich, independent, powerful. We are the daughters of feminists who said, "You can be anything" and we heard "You have to be everything."

We must get A's. We must make money. We must save the world. We must be thin. We must be unflappable. We must be beautiful. We are the anorectics, the bulimics, the over-exercisers, the over-eaters. We must be perfect. We must make it look effortless."

I found it in this magazine on the BUS.

it's so FUCKING ME.

i don't want to forget this.  this is a moment, and im so afraid i'll forget it.

FUCCKKKK yes.

last exam done. 

i am so not sober for the rest of tonight

and probably tomorrow.


peee-eessss: new icon, someone took a polaroid when we were fucking around in jay's house and i scanned it in.

i call it elaynalope

to me, with school work, there is nothing worse than settling for mediocrity and losing control.

and that's what is happening right now and i really can't cope with it.

im gonna take some time off and see if i can sort this shit out.

ill be back

june 3 = im free. 

why is it that when bad things happen they come in sets? a series of spread out pitfalls would be far better than a constant influx of pitfalls in a 48 hour period.

i wish i was someones number one priority, as horribly brat as that sounds. i

 wish my parents showed any form of interest in my life, not just when it comes down to finances and cell phone minutes. that'd be nice. i

 dont have a place to live next year yet, i'm failing italian, i dont know if i have a car anymore, i dont know if my cats dead or alive because they don't call to talk, they text to say "mail us a check made out to your dad by may 9th".

 they can't selectively choose when i'm a child and when i'm an adult.

i'm 21, i'm paying through college for loans in my name, i pay for my car, i'm paying my rent next year, i provide myself with food, i buy my clothes. all they pay for is my cell phone, and as of last night, not even that anymore.

that's why it irks me when they do try to act parental, because for the most part i'm totally on my own. my grandparents support me more than my own parents do.

...for those of you who wondered, this is prolly why ive been in such a crappy mood lately.

sorry to bitch about it here.

i enjoy making playlists and mixes more than i enjoy any other activity in life.

more than sleeping.
more than shopping.


if someone gave me $10,000 to never make another playlist ever again, i would say: im sorry, i cant take you up on that offer.

thank god that will never happen.

i've been ultra-b*tchy, and ultra-sleepy lately.  And idon't know what the deal is.

it's usually PMS. But it's not right now.
im not stressed.

i know im being awful.  i was even mean to ben which suxxx, hes the nicest person ever.

it feels like a force outside of me. i know its not, i should be able to control my mood...

But i really can't seem to.

so i apologize in advance to anyone i might offend until this is corrected.

when i came home my last fish (hokie) was dead, and that made me sad. he wasnt even sick, or floating funny. but i think maybe he has been starving himself since pokey died. They were together since the pet store.

still, he held out for like two months.  my fish were tough.

I am so over fish though.  im moving in with kirsten for summer semester and next year.

ive been wanting a dog for fucking years, maybe i can look for a place that will take pets.

i want something that loves me. 

kirsten and i already have this pact that if were still single at 60, were going to live together.  we can be old ladies with dogs instead of cats!

i havent had much to write about lately soooooooo...

the best lyrics you've heard lately...

comment 'em.
old or new.
Artist too, please.

Kthx.

dan came up. we need to buy stock in jim beam. we went record shopping and he got me the monster mash YES!

we went exploring, up a river to islands and to a rail road bridge hundreds of feet above the river. we missed the train, but caught the frogs. the water was still freezing, except i guess a river wouldn't really ever warm up. he left at 6am today to go home for work, and i went back to bed.

then my parents came up. things are resolved. i showed them our house for next year, which is better than i remembered. there are big bunniies in a pen in the yard, the neighbors have a pool, and a chocolate lab. we went to a japanese restaurant where they cook the food at your table. it was actually a perfect day. it feels split in two from being awake from 6-7, then asleep from 7-10.

on a side note, when you decide to talk about me, make sure it's not to a friend. it made it's way back to me.

or at least have the dignity to knock off the fake-friendly crap, seeing as that soon after that i got back to my dorm with an IM telling me what you've said. maturity and being civil does not entail being two faced.

can't you just accept the fact that i do not like you as a person, or a friend, and move on without running your mouth over a friendship that was never very strong and ended months ago? you are a dumb bitch, step back and take an outside look at things and it's painfully clear.


i dont care if thats cryptic im fucking PISSSEDD

fucckkkk i totally missed 420.

how the fuck did that happen?

friday was Clint Catalyst's birthday. yeah, he makes people call him that.  (LAME) in the nicest house. where i had two drinks and lost 1/4 of the night. It was fucking fun and i made lots of "newfriends"

(that is my drunk cue, hands down. if i start running around asking where my "newfriend" is)

just cut me off if you ever hear me talking like that. Some germans were trying to get me to marry one of them for a green card. But other than that, I am quite sure all my new friends were all gay. It was fantastic.

i gave out my cards like candy. Thats also whati do when I'm drunk.

i suffered harrrrrrrrd core the next day. i will never let vodka touch my lips on an empty stomach ever again. i had no breakfast, half a sandwich, half a bowl of chili and maybe 4 crackers before I decided to lush it up. i knew Rony was the DD, or else i would have had, well, nothing.

But yeah. It may have been the worst hangover ever.

no, maybe 3rd. 1st is a red wine hangover from sean's house warming. 2nd is the 4th of July bitches brew hangover. I did not get off the couch all day. And you know what the funniest part is? It was mostly caffeine withdrawal.

yeah yeah.

so i started off spring break by going to the mall to buy pants.
there were these really awesome ones i saw at JCPennys the other week that were levis that were bleached and very 80s looking. and they fit perfectly when i tried them on then. but when i got to the mall friday they werent in my size anymore =0!!! they came in a crap load of 9's and one 17.
obviously all to big and wayyy to big. but i got one pair of dark blue arizona jeans which are soft and comfy.

THEN i convinced my mom to take me to borders. where i got "survivor" by chuck palahniuk. its good. i did not see eric g.

still working on the piercing

it is my spring break mission.